Not all marriages end in divorce, regardless of what the news may seem like some days. To be sure, some unhappy marriages should end, but it is hard for Virginia couples to know when a marriage is truly over, especially where there is still love in the relationship.
First and foremost, abuse is not negotiable. Physical, emotional and emotional abuse are absolute reasons for a divorce. Do not ignore it, and do not just “deal with it for the kids.” Your physical and mental well-being is just as important as everyone else’s, and you being happy and healthy is what is best for your kids.
Think about your problems in terms of their duration: Are these issues temporary or long-term? It does not make sense to destroy a long-term marriage over a short-term problem.
Your marriage is different than any other marriage. Keep that in mind when talking with others or reading other couples’ stories.
In addition, when thinking about divorce, you should not be focusing on what is wrong with the other person. You should also focus on your inner challenges. If something is not working, it might be you, just as much as it might be the other person.
If it is you, you will never know until you look inward, instead of outward to find marriage solutions.
This inner work brings us to the next pre-marriage work item. You and your spouse should consider counseling. You should understand what makes you happy before you pin your unhappiness to your marriage.
Often, counseling and therapy can help you and your spouse work through these issues. After all, dragging current problems to future relationships will only hurt your future relationships as well. It is better to get healthy now, before deciding to split.
Do both spouses want to change?
An unhappy marriage cannot be revived without the buy-in of both spouses. You both have to want to work on the marriage, your individual selves, change and grow together. Without this initial buy-in, your unhappy marriage may not be salvageable.
Different life paths
One of the most common reasons that loving spouses say they decide to divorce is that the two are following different life paths.
You may want children, and they may not want them. They want to live on a farm, but you cannot live outside of downtown.
Sometimes, where we want to be is not compatible, and it is better to leave now than be miserable forever.